I’ve Seen You Online!

I was out at a party a week ago. My friend is off to travel the world with her boyfriend, and intended to have a big piss up before departure. There were a lot of people at the party who I didn’t know, all around my age, and predominantly guys. I was having fun and being flirtatious, while I sat in the sun and drank wine at a rate comparable to the rate the guys were drinking beer. I need to remember in future not to get involved in rounds, unless i’m drinking the same strength of drink as everyone else!

There was this guy, lets call him James. He was cute, a little on the skinny side, but with a quirky geeky-cool sense about him. He wasn’t there when I first arrived, so I was already slightly on the hyperactive side of my personality when I found myself sat next to him and nattering away. He told me that he was a web page designer, and he told me about a bunch of random sites he had designed in the past. A couple had asked him to make a site for them, and had asked him to check out a video which they wanted uploaded. They had called him on the phone to say they had sent it, and asked him to watch it while they waited on the phone. It was a sex video. He had a lot of random stories to tell. Then he told me he had designed a website for a webcam model…….

So far in the evening, I had been getting away with responding to the “what do you do” question with “I’m a professional online poker player”. When I say getting away with, I mean people were laughing at me and moving on, because they weren’t quite sure if I was being serious or not, but they didn’t have the guts to call me on it. But now, this guy James had put it in my lap. He was clearly open minded and non-judgmental, and had seen it all before. “I’m a webcam model!!” I said, expecting him to laugh in a “I don’t quite believe you” sort of way….

I didn’t need to convince him. “I know”, he said. “I’ve seen you online”, he said. “I’ve read your blog”, he said.

I put my hands on my suddenly flushed cheeks. I felt embarrassed for a moment and a half, and then I got over it. It was a funny coincidence. It’s the first time I have been recognised in the real world. I have had 2 people tell me on MyFreeCams that they knew me from here or there a few years ago, but never the other way round.

I guess I expected it to happen at some point, and actually I’m really surprised that it has taken so long. I wonder if anyone has recognised me in the past and not said anything, which would be a shame, because I felt rather excited at James knowing who I was. In that moment when I put my hands on my cheeks, I was realising that this guy sat next to me in a bar, who was friends with my friends, knew what I looked like naked. He had read my blog, and so knew a lot about me. He knew what I looked like when I orgasm…..It was naughty and sexy and exhilarating. 

So we had another drink and chatted about camming and websites. For the rest of the night, I kept wondering what he had seen. Did he only watch me once? Did he watch me regularly? How long did he watch me for? I didn’t ask. I think it was exciting not to know. Nothing happened between us – I know you were all waiting to find out! No, I’m so sorry to disappoint. We just flirted, and it was fun. We swapped phone numbers and he said he could help me with my profile if I wanted, which is great, because I am rubbish at that kind of thing. And that was that. Next time maybe, I will have to take advantage of my web fame a little bit more. I’m just dipping my toe in right now!

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Webcam Modeling Ethics

While I emotionally deal with yet another guy’s criticism for my being a mother and a Webcam Model, I have found myself questioning the ethics behind it. Am I a Webcam Model and a mother, because I have convinced myself that it is okay, or do I really honestly think that it is ethically right?

I had a meeting with a lawyer recently. My ex-partner isn’t happy because I want to move our daughter an hour away from him. I know this isn’t great for him, but I can’t spend my life revolving around wherever he wants to live. I have very good reasons for wanting to move, and I won’t be preventing him from seeing our daughter at all. He’s still planning to take me to court, so I booked a meeting. Between telling me that I definitely have the right to move an hour away and not to worry, we discussed the possibility of my job coming up, if this dispute did go to court. My Ex doesn’t know what I do, and I don’t want him to know either. I tell people who love me and don’t judge me. He doesn’t love me, he will judge me, and he will tell lots of people who don’t love me and who will judge me. I don’t need this in my life. Apparently it probably won’t come up in court, so I don’t really need to worry. However she said to me that what I am doing is legal and although it is not child appropriate, my daughter doesn’t know. Therefore, a judge wouldn’t deem my job as inappropriate.

When this guy came into my chat room on Myfreecams and commented about my poor child, I felt insecure. I usually cam during the day while she is at school, but occassionally, if i’m in the mood, I come on in the evening. This was one of those evenings. I thought about how she was tucked up in bed fast asleep, and I questioned myself. Then I realised that if I had a husband, I would be going to bed with him at night and having sex (every night, of course). It wouldn’t be appropriate for a child to know about two adults having sex in the other room, any more then it would be appropriate for a child to know that their mother is masturbating in the other room in-front of a lap top. I think it is a good comparison. I keep sex a secret from my child just like every other parent does. Other parents have sex. I masturbate. I keep the door locked.

I’m not sleeping around with lots of different men, and i’m not going out and partying all night all the time. I just masturbate in my bedroom on my own. I let people watch on the internet. I make an income. I have a vagina just like 50% of the population of the world, and I enjoy rubbing it. It’s our culture which makes is so taboo, but its not wrong.

I had a moment of insecurity, but I’ve picked myself up. I’m a good mum.

Oh I made a new video. It’s really dirty. ;)

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E-mails From a Fan

I have decided to take this opportunity to share with you an example of some of the e-mails that I receive through MyfreeCams. Like with any job, there are ups and downs, and sometimes it can be really tough. The man who wrote these emails forgot that MFC is, for the most part, a one way screen. I am on camera with hundreds of people watching me. I have no idea who he is. I’ve decided not to name him publicly, because I feel sad for him, and I don’t think it would be fair.

I want to be your personal toilet. We can make a video of it and you can sell it.

I replied that I wasn’t really that keen, But thanks for the offer.

sorry, so where are you located or would you like to come here (USA) and see some sites while you are here ? We can make a video (series) to sell on c4s and you can keep the money. I just want to do it once and have decided I would like her to be you. You are pretty darn sexy anyway I look at you… mmmm nice

YOU are without a doubt the most INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I have ever had the pleasure in meeting and talking to. If you were to come here, everything I have would be yours too. Like I said I would give you my life. I have no legacy behind me, an older brother and sister, 2 nieces, a few cousins (never see). So what I have is yours as well. I want you to have a happy and grateful life to raise your sweet daughter. There is University just north of here where you both could go to school eventually or whenever. The ocean / beach is 10 mins away and it is God’s Country around here. Sometimes you can hear the spirits speak above the trees. Sweetheart, please consider pleasant thoughts of what could be. Let us begin to know each other. I want to FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU FOREVER !

afterall I am Irish and English was born May 14th, 1957. I am also a Taurus and very true to character. I am loyal, honest, respectful and kind. I am a lover by nature and at my best when in love with a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN (in my eyes)… I wish to communicate with you about a possible future with lots of love, happiness and laughter. Your daughter is like no one else in your life. She is you, conceived inside and born part of you. Will you teach her how to use men for their money like you ? I understand why you do, dont take me wrong, I would do the same. However ! I want you to know that I already know how you make me feel, like never before if and when we come together… It starts with a soft kiss to the cheek, a smile and a simple hello…I am an Army Brat, born in Texas, grew up on the East Coast (New England) lived in Arizona for over 30 yrs, moved back to NE to assist and care for my elderly mother who was then 93 until she passed in March of 2012. Now I live in the country (Seacoast Region) of Southern New Hampshire. There is lots more to us both (+1) if you care to share. I am also ***** at the yahoey thing as well. Oh well its a start…. OH and btw my name is ***** and I am pleased / thrilled to meet your acquaintance !

Dearest HazelX, (wish I knew your real name and would never say it in public unless it was ok with you), I just want you to know how I feel. I am very attracted to you for some reason.and I dont know exactly why yet. The one thing I wish the most for you and your daughter is lots of love and happiness. If you told me to stay away I will even if it made me very sad. I am not a bad or mean person. I am full of the love my family has instilled in me always and forever. I understand we know nothing about each other at this point and if I have been truthful with you in the past. The facts are I am very honest and do not believe in being deceitful in any way. I recently was awarded the benefits I earned when I worked before I became disabled. I am however not dead and quite capable most the time, just in shorter spurts. I am looking for my last love, with or without children and I am thinking one is so sweet ! I will send you a link to a personal ad I have put on Craigs List

http://maine.craigslist.org/*******

Hazel (?) I truly hope you will consider all that I have said and let me know (at least reply) how you feel. Thank you for reading, hope all is well with you and yours…

http://nh.craigslist.org/********

and one other

there is this quaint New England United Methodist Church that I want to attend right down the street… I would be honored to attend this church with you and your daughter as long as I live…. :-)

To which I replied “Please stop. MFC is not a dating agency, and you are a complete stranger to me. I do this to make an income, NOT to find a partner. Thank you”

I know this was a harsh message, but I felt that I needed to leave no gap for him to think that there would be any romantic opportunity.

I am sad today because you want me to stop. I wanted to get to know you and help you become a respectful woman who’s main purpose in life is to raise your daughter with dignity and respect. I guess you will always remain what is hard for me to say, a cam whore. I wish you the best… I’m gone !

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too… You will one day regret letting someone who offered you (possibly) a better life for you and your daughter. You should keep my mail and re-read them often, especially the one where I tell you who I am. We all know who and what you are. Take Care of yourself and daughter.

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Vote Bush!

My bush vote was hanging on the thread of two men. Through the month in which I allowed guys the opportunity to vote to shave or save my public hair, the majority of guys voted to save it, which makes sense. My room is mostly made up of regulars who come to watch me and my womanly pubic hair, over the thousands I cleanly shaven women. I was getting quite cocky in this safety net, until I learnt that two men with the means to the swing the vote, wanted me to shave.

I’ll name them here: Musicman and Spurtyspurt. Both of them tipped large sums of tokens to swing the vote, and left me spending the whole of January trying to persuade everyone else to vote to save my bush, to try and even the vote out.

It came to the last day, and I knew that my bush was in severe danger of extinction. I bought a razor.

Musicman was in my room with many many tokens in his bank – unless a user hides this information in their settings, I can see how much they have to spend. I knew that it was all over . I also knew that Spurtyspurt was planning on popping in at last minute and he had already told me he thought it would be funny to make me shave.

Everyone stopped tipping, and I knew it was coming up to the last few minutes to chuck everything in and swing the vote.

Musicman tipped big. I thought it was the end. But then I realised that this wasn’t his intention. Even though all month he had been tipping to make me shave, now he tipped and told me it wasn’t for the vote. It was purely to help me to pay my tax bill!!

Then time was up and my bush was still there and I was a little stunned to say the least. I put Musicman on my “those who deserve to be sent my future newly released videos automatically” list.

Then Spurtyspurt popped in and questioned why it was over – he had gotten the times wrong! My bush had had a lucky escape from him. And then he tipped me a large sum of tokens just because…..

My tax bill got paid without my having to go into debt. My bush is still there, although nicely trimmed back now. And the year has started very well indeed!

Thank you guys, so much!

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World Naked Sledding Championship

Guys I need you’re help. My relentless need to always put myself forward for anything and everything, has landed me in the Top 10 to represent Britain in the Naked sledding race world championship, to be held in Germany on February 15th.

So. If you’d like to see footage of me getting my tits out and throwing myself down a mountain in the snow, please click the link below and vote HazelX!!!!!

http://blog.chillisauce.co.uk/naked-sledding-race-world-championship/

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VOTE BUSH!

I have to pay my tax bill. It’s the first time I’ve ever had to pay it all in one big lump, and it seems so much bigger then when you just have a little bit nibbled off your pay check each month. It’s for the year 2012 to 2013, so I guess it’s not as big as it could have been, because I didn’t even start working until July 2012, but it’s big enough.

The point is, that I have a big bill to pay! I was sat here twiddling my fingers, trying to come up with creative ways to encourage my viewers on http://www.myfreecams.com to tip more then usual, when I decided to do something unprecedented (at least during my webcam career). I’ve decided to risk loosing my bush. I know you’ll be up in arms about it, and I know you’re all gasping “NOOOOOO”……However, it is all in aid of a good cause…..Not that paying tax is a good cause, but my ability to afford to pay it and not get into trouble for not paying it, is definitely a good cause.!

So the deal is that you can vote. It is only 21tk to vote and in the tip note on MFC you just have to say whether you are voting to shave it or save it. Currently shaving it is winning, but only by a few votes. This surprises me, as I thought my room was full of bush lovers. Clearly I have been deluded! At the end of the month, I will do whatever has been voted for, for the whole of February. 

I know there are lots of arguments for having pubic hair, and the porn industry definitely has a lot to answer to, for its lack of education to young men about what real women look like and what real sex should be like. However, it is just hair. It is just culture and fashion which guides what women do with their hair. It’s currently fashionable to shave it, because young culture says it’s sexier, cleaner, blah blah blah. Bush lovers have a lot of arguments for hair, but very honestly, it’s still just culture. Is a woman who shaves her vagina trying to look like a 10 year old girl? Not really. She’s trying to look sexy. Is a man who shaves his face trying to look like a 10 year old boy? Or when I shave my armpits, is that also to try and look like an adolecent. Current culture has accepted that it is more attractive to shave my armpits, but it doesn’t mean I’m slutty or trying to attract peadophiles. 

I argue this not because I am in favor of shaving. I will definitely grow it back afterwards (if the vote makes me shave, of course) into my neat little trimmed mound of pubic fuzziness. I think what i’m learning is that it’s just not really a big deal. It’s just hair. Everyone is different. It’ll grow back.

Or maybe i’m just trying to convince myself that it will be okay, because I want to try and make a higher income this month. Maybe as a human being, I am capable of convincing myself of anything I want to. People will always argue and will always have an opinion, but I guess when it comes down to it, it’s only me that I have to answer to. So, 

EVERY VOTE COUNTS! VOTE BUSH! Only kidding, I won’t try to sway you…..

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